Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
