Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
