Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
