you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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