He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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