is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
