she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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