The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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