Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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