I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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