My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
