I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
