I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
