is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
