you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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