Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish i was in the wii world.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
