I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I deserve this hangover.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
