It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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