I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
