So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
