he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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