It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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