think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
