Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
