Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
