Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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