Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's rum buckets o'clock
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Someone signed my nipple.
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