I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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