i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
