I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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