No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
