Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
