If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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