Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
