Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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