I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
