Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
