can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
