Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
