Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
