He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
