Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
