fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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