Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
