When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
