wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
