I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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