Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
