my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
