No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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