it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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