Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
