didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
