good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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