Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
