I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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