And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize
