Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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