Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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