I feel like I'm in dance class right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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