Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want to have your abortion
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
