Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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