Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
