is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
