Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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