Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
