i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
