Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
