i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
