when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
