You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
