the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
