I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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