I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
BRING THE BAGELS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
