I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
